Drinking and relationships

Way 7 of 50Look honestly at your relationships

Some people drink to cope with a difficult relationship. But heavy drinking usually makes relationships worse: problems don't get sorted, communication breaks down, and nobody works on the relationship. When people stop drinking, some relationships improve a great deal. Others end. Relationships are complicated.

Dealing with someone difficult

Perhaps there's someone you can't avoid, such as an ex-partner you see because of the children, or a relative who puts you down. Two approaches can help:

• Treat it like a business relationship. Be polite and friendly, but brief and to the point. Don't get drawn into arguments.
• Turn the statement into a question. If someone says "You're always out, you never help", calmly reply: "Am I always out? Do I never help?" They then have to explain what they mean, and the heat often goes out of it.

Fewer arguments mean less stress, and less stress can mean less drinking.

Is your relationship abusive?

Domestic abuse isn't only violence. It can be someone controlling your money, your time or who you see, threatening you, or constantly making you feel small. Alcohol is often involved. If this is happening to you, you don't have to deal with it alone. Call the free 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247. In an emergency, call 999.

Way 23 of 50Let friends and family help

Telling friends and family you have a problem with alcohol can feel like a huge step. It's often the step that makes the biggest difference.

• Spend more time with friends who drink less than you, or not at all.
• If you can, go and stay with friends or relatives who don't drink. Bring a bit of their lifestyle home with you.
• If someone keeps encouraging you to drink, have a word. If they don't stop, see less of them for a while until your "no" is firm.
• Ask for specific help: "Can you come for a walk at six?" is easier to say yes to than "Help me stop drinking."

Try this todayTell one person you trust what you're trying to do this week, and one way they could help.