Worried about someone else's drinking?
Living with or loving someone who drinks heavily is hard. You can't make them change, but you can help, and you deserve support too.
What can help
- Pick your moment. Talk when they're sober and you're both calm, not during or straight after drinking.
- Talk about what you've seen and how it affects you. "I've noticed you're drinking every night and I'm worried about you" lands better than "You're an alcoholic."
- Listen. Ask how they feel about their drinking. People are more likely to change when the reasons are their own.
- Offer specific help, like going with them to the GP or finding the local alcohol service together.
- Share information. Point them to this site or to Drinkline (0300 123 1110).
What usually doesn't help
- Arguing, lecturing or labelling them.
- Covering up for them: ringing in sick for them, making excuses, clearing up after them.
- Pouring drink away behind their back. If they're dependent, sudden stopping can be dangerous, and it can damage trust.
- Taking on all the responsibility. Their drinking is not your fault, and you can't fix it for them.
Know the danger signs
If someone who drinks heavily stops suddenly, they may need medical help. Call 999 if they have a fit, become confused, see things that aren't there, or can't be woken. More about stopping safely.
Look after yourself
Families often put their own needs last for years. You matter too.
- Al-Anon runs free groups for anyone affected by someone else's drinking: 0800 0086 811.
- NACOA supports children of alcohol-dependent parents, of any age: 0800 358 3456.
- Your local alcohol service may offer support to family members, even if your relative isn't getting help.
- Counselling can help you make sense of your feelings and decide what you want.
If you recognise yourself in the description of co-dependency in way 12, it may be worth reading more about it.
If you, or children in the home, are not safe, call the National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247, or 999 in an emergency.